The assignment:  500 words.  Describe a situation in 1st person with only 2 references to yourself.  The idea is to be very descriptive without being too personal.  And no they didn’t tell me to write about hippos – all it said was describe a situation in 1st person with only 2 references to yourself – I just thought hippos would be fun.

The Green Tawking Hippo Academy

It’s not like I’ve never been to school before.  it’s just…  Well, when did hippos start wearing polka dot bikinis?

Maybe the name of the school should have given it away. Green Tawking Hippo Academy for Women. But it sounded so cool! For a budding environmentalist, it seemed perfect! What could be better than a school located in the heart of Tawking Canyon , on the banks of the Green River , and named after an endangered species? Can we say “nothing?”

Oh if only it were that simple and if only Hippos knew how to spell. Even though the school WAS in the middle of Tawking Canyon , the school wasn’t named after it. In fact, it wasn’t named after the Green River either. The founders of the school MEANT to name the school Green Talking Hippo Academy after all of the rich, successful Hippos who work there and can talk. But although these hippos have mastered speaking, they have yet to learn to spell. So yeah -  tawking hippos – talking hippos. Talk about a trip!

It wouldn’t really have been so bad to learn from the hippos. They are very unusual peop… umm … they are very unusual mammals. But the hippos weren’t interested in teaching about their ways. Nope. They were more interested in other things; though those other things did APPEAR to be of an environmental nature in the course catalog.

First Period – Blossoming Flowers. “Oh nooooooo, Ms. Nooncy,” the instructing hippo, wearing a burgundy mini skirt and a black tube top, shouted to a fellow classmate. “Grey is the WORST color for you to wear. It blends right into your skin. You must stand out! Be noticed. No wall flowers in my class. We are blossoming flowers! Beautiful! Bold! B… AHH! Ms. Pugmore, a corset is NOT going to help you hold your tummy in – and goodness gracious, why would you want to? We’re hippos – we’re fat – it is our defining feature and we must not try and hide it. Love the skin you’re in Ms. Pugmore. Love it.”

Second Period – Don’t Hunt. The instructor of this class wore the most ridiculous blond wig. It was fantastic! “First things first class.” She said as she paced back and forth in front of the class, “You are all Big, Beautiful, and Bold Hippos.” Long pause. “Now, I want you all to take a deep breath and feel the air cleanse your body, nourishing your beauty. Ok. Down to the important stuff. It is imperative that you, as female Hippos, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT hunt for male hippos. We are NOT rhinoceroses. We are Hippopotamuses and we do not hunt or chase our men like THEY do. Our men chase after us and if they’re LUCKY we may pay them some attention. But as a side note I don’t blame the Rhino men from running away from their women – I mean come on – just look at them! I’d run away from MYSELF if I looked like that.”

Third Period – The Study of Mother Earth. This one HAD to be an environmental class right? A petite hippo, if there is such a thing, stood up in front of the class. “Mother Earth has given us amazing gifts. The gift of water and the gift of earth. If we mix these gifts together we create the gift of beauty. Today we will be learning about mud baths, mud masks and the power we have to be beautiful.”

You know what? Hippos are a little intimidating all on their own. But having to hide behind a rock to avoid being trampled by a herd of hippos racing to the banks of the Green River for a mud bath is down right scary.

Lunch

Fourth Period – Tree Huggers 101 – “And one and two and three and four…” The teacher stopped her squats to welcome the class. “Hello everyone. Go ahead and take your place by a tree stump and rip it out of the ground like this. Ok good. Except you over there – honey I think a tree is too big for you. Why don’t you sit this one out?” No problems there! The rest of the class ripped out their stumps and placed them firmly between their teeth in the proper “hugging” manner. I shook my head and sighed as they did squats, while “hugging” their trees. Apparently it improves balance as well as muscle tone in Hippos. Go figure.

Fifth Period – Meteorology. Everyone raced to the changing rooms after fourth period to change into their bikinis. Hmm … meteorology and bikinis? And then everyone rushed to fifth period – which was being held at the sandy nook along the southern end of the Green River . “Alright class – settle down,” the instructor announced. “Today we learn about how the sun darkens our skin and makes it even MORE beautiful. Find a beach towel, lie down and let the sun soak into your skin. I’ll remind you in a half hour to flip to your other side. I hope everyone remembered to bring their unique bathing suit shapes because you will adore the patterns they leave on your skin later.” Tan lines are adorable? When clothing is optional and you are hippo… seemingly they are.

Not long after everyone had settled in, each covering four beach towels a piece, the principal arrived. After welcoming all the lovely new students she asked “Would the non-hippo please escort me to my office?”

Her office was close by and once she was settled into her snakeskin chair she apologized for a grave misunderstanding. “This is the Green “Tawking” Hippo Academy for Women as you well know, and although you are a woman… you are not a hippo and the school is for talking Hippos only. My sincerest apologies for the misunderstanding.” She went on, “It’s just that dear … when we saw your name – So Hippo – we just knew you had to be one of us. Who else would name their child So Hippo?  hahaha!  Anyway you’re dismissed.”

Walking out the door I muttered back to her, “It’s Sohi … Poe. The name is Sohi … Poe… NOT so hippo.” Not that the correction really mattered. It may as well be So Hippo to a green “tawking” hippopotamus.

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THANK YOU!!!

I ² “Aha!” moments.  (which should be read as  “I heart squared” for those of you who don’t speak emoticon. and omgosh – I double ^{2 + extra} that I learned the html code for superscript!!! YAY! )  ANYWAY …

I really do HEART ² squared “Aha!” moments.  It’s like having a dirty window suddenly wiped clean with windex.  And I probably should have been more poetic.  How about this.  It was as if her thick mask of confusion was suddenly whisked away.  A new world was opened and she could see her past mistakes with a sharper clarity than she had dared to hope.  Tomorrow would be different.  Tomorrow she would face the world with a new perspective.  A perspective that would grant her greater freedom to trust herself and arm her with the tools …. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!   just kidding.

But seriously – drama aside – that kinda IS what my “aha!” moment did for me.  And it was ALL thanks to my mom. YAY for moms!  She helped me figure out 2 things.

1. Even though it’s great that I ask for advice and am always looking for better ways to BE, I need to stop.  EVERYONE has a different opinion.  EVERYONE has different advice.  And I will ALWAYS be “wrong” if I’m trying to BE everyone’s ideals at once.

2.  Most of my friends are boys and well …  Mom put it best: “Stop letting boys tell you how to be a girl!”

SO – For the next 36 days I’m going on a fast.  A fast from advice about feelings.  It’s time to stop holding myself to other people’s standards – especially when those standards are from a BOY.  I’m a girl. (no really?) and more than that – I’m ME.  Daisy.  A procrastinating, obsessive over-achiever who is a bit over-zealous, a touch too exuberant, addicted to chocolate and who over-shares and talks a lot.  I’m not perfect.  And I’m an INTENSE person.  I FEEL things intensely.  It’s who I am – it’s part of me.  I can’t be anyone else and I can’t feel anyone else’s feelings.  The only person who can really tell me how I should feel is ME.

And I feel pretty good about that.

“Far far, there’s this little girl, she was praying for something to happen to her.  Everyday she writes words and more words just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside.

“How can you stay outside?  There’s a beautiful mess inside.

“Far far, there’s this little girl, she was praying for something good to happen to her. From time to time there are colors and shapes, dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands. They invent her a new world.

“How can you stay outside? There’s a beautiful mess inside.

“Far far there’s this little girl, she was praying for something big to happen to her.  Every night she hears beautiful strange music, it’s everywhere. There’s nowhere to hide.

“Just look at yourself now, deep inside, deeper than you ever dared.
There’s a beautiful mess inside.”

~Yael Naim ~ “Far Far”

Experience Australia – The Little Things

This Week’s “Experience Australia – The Little Things” (oh btw – did I mention this is going to be a new weekend segment on my blog? ) is probably the reason why Australia is a more obese than the U.S.  [gasp!  Daisy - you didn't just say that!!!  Oh yes I did.  Snap!]  What am I talking about?  The Tim Tam.

Tim Tams, an Australian iconic “biscuit” (aka cookie) is a little fattening devil which is absolutely delightful.  And I believe it’s safe to say you absolutely cannot have an TRUE Australian Experience unless you learn about and TASTE a Tim Tam.  Mmmm.  They even have their own aisle in the supermarket.  No seriously – they do. But they have to!  There are like a bazillion different flavors and each flavor is in high demand.  Who wouldn’t want a Tim Tam?

My favorite flavor is the Tim Tam Crush Toffee Nut flavor.  I them the best. And as you can see in the picture above, the Tim Tam Crush biscuits are a little different.  Instead of having creamy goodness sandwiched between two chocolate biscuits, the crush only has its indulgent taste of heaven on top of ONE biscuit.  Darn my gluten intolerance!  I could have set a world record for gaining the most weight due to a Tim Tam Crush addiction. 

NOW ONTO THE SLAM!!! It’s like WHAT YOU DO with Tim Tams if you’re cool.

Australians feel it is their duty to tell all foreigners about the Tim Tam Slam. From the clerk in the grocery store, to the attendant at the airport who sees you’re taking home Tim Tam souvenirs – EVERYONE stops to tell you about the Tim Tam Slam. Which is why I posted a HOW TO DO THE TIM TAM SLAM video.  And lol on the video – can you tell this was taken REALLY seriously?? And no he wasn’t trying to sound Australian – that’s his “This is dumb and I can’t believe you’re making me do this” voice.

Today I had one of those warm fuzzy moments. YAY!!! I am in a class at school with a LOT of people who are learning English by immersion – it’s not their first language.  And then to make things even more difficult, they come from a completely different ideological background (in this case Eastern) and translation … wow – it’s not easy.

I have studied a lot about communication (gee really?) and I’ve made it a point to learn about cultural communication.  One of the kids in my class gave a huge presentation which the teacher and all of the other students misunderstood.  They were coming down on him and giving him criticism for something they had misinterpreted.  Not wanting to overstep my bounds I hesitated to say anything but finally I could take it no longer.  The poor kid!!!  I interrupted.  “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe he’s trying to say …..”   OOOOHHHHHH.

After class the guy was waiting for me outside the room.  “Daisy I wanted to thank you.  You said exactly what I meant.  Thank you for helping them understand me.  You understood me.  Thank you so much.”

Ah.  That made me feel really good!  YAY!

I did it AGAIN!  I wrote a post – JUST NOW – and as my cursor was hovering over “publish” I chickened out.  WT-flip?   So yeah … including yesterday (when at the last minute I deleted SOME of it) – I HAVE DONE THIS EVERYDAY THIS WEEK.

I guess the good news is I’ll have a week’s worth of posts for some week when I finally decide I CAN post them.  It’s such a shame.  Today’s post was awesomely terrible in a fabulously nerdtastic way.  I’m doing a PowerPoint Presentation tomorrow and it inspired me to make a CHART for my blog.  LOL!  I can’t believe I did that!!!  And then I was like, “This is sooooo absolutely mortifying that I did this.” So then I wasn’t going to include it – but THEN I was like – omgosh – I already made it – no sense trying to hide what a nerd I am.  So yeah … can you tell I’m pepped up on a peppy detox drink and too much caffeine AND passionfruit gelato (sugar) ??

I hate when things are so current that I REALLY want to talk about them but they’re just a little TOO current to post about. Lame.  Lame-ee, Lame-O – LAME LAME LAME.

So instead of telling you about one of the reasons my head is spinning I’ll tell you this:

I’ve completed 27 of my 101 goals – YAY!  And I’m starting 4 others TODAY.  1. For the next 40 days (not for Lent obviously – but similar to it) I am going to give up a bad habit.  2.  For the next 40 days I will meditate every day.  3.  For the next 14 days (while on this superfantastic detox) I will drink 64oz of water a DAY and 4. Since I can breathe again it’s time to get back into the exercise habit.  5x per weeeeeeek for the next month.

Wish me luck!  This is going to suck.  And btw – wish me luck that I’ll actually fall asleep tonight.  I’m WIRED!

“With all her love of knowledge she had a natural shrinking from raising curtains and looking into unlighted corners.  The love of knowledge coexisted in her mind with the finest capacity for ignorance.”

~The Portrait of a Lady ~Henry James~ (I swear it’s eerie the way I relate to this book.  )

My head is spinning a little today.  In fact it’s been spinning for a few days. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 to be exact.  What is UP may actually be down and what is down may actually be sdrawkcab and inside out.  It’s not really one particular thing – though there is one particular thing that seems to be extra swimming around the mad whirlpool of thoughts swirling in my mind – but it’s a multitude of things.  All sorts of things.  Things I really don’t want overflowing in my head!

If you were my mom – here are the signs that would tip you off to things being a bit “off.”

1. I didn’t blog for 2 straight days. And the blogs I DID post this week weren’t the “original posts” for the day.  I couldn’t bring myself to publish those thoughts.
2. I was an hour late to class.  I’m never late to class.
3. I have an ever-growing list of people that I haven’t gotten back to…
4. I washed all of my bedding but didn’t actually put it on my bed – I’m so dumb!  Instead I slept in a mess of sheets.  (This will be changed today however – I’m on a cleaning frenzy – another sign btw.)
5. I started not one but TWO “detox” programs this week.  And the one I started today is so gross but I’m doing it anyway.
6. Last but certainly not least – I am baking today.  Oh yes.  Baking.  And btw – that deserves it’s own post – so I’ll do that tomorrow.  Let’s just say I’m a flippin’ genius.  And now I can officially cross off #1 on Daisy’s New Life Plan. I don’t have to say goodbye to my Presidential dreams after all.
7. Oh just remembered one more.  I only got a 27 out of 30 on this mini-Mensa quiz.  Those who know me will be surprised that I didn’t get a 29.  I knew I wouldn’t get a 30 – but as soon as I hit “submit” I realized my error.  And if I had actually double checked my answers like I would normally do!  Oh well … it was just a mini-test and I didn’t use a calculator or cheat so apparently 27 is still pretty good.

Oh and btw  4 is the number of days I’ve had to go without Skype this week because my wireless connection currently blows.  grr.

So in my “Dreaming Big – when I grow up I want to be” post on August 28, 2008 I explained how once upon a time the only thing I ever wanted to be was the First Female President of The United States of America. I was on track with a B.S. in Argumentation and Decision Making at the age of 21 and an acceptance letter to law school at 22.  BUT THEN I DIDN’T GO!

Blah blah blah – skip to then (August) – I thought my fabulous Peace and Conflict plan was going to help me make a difference in the world and blah blah blah – skip to NOW – I’m in Digital Communication.  I’m pathetic – yeah yeah – I know.   But it’s all good because my “life plan” hasn’t changed.  Here is a copy and paste from the past:

Written August 28, 2008 – still applicable March 27, 2009. 

Here are my NEW goals for what I want to be when I grow up.

1. To learn how to make the yummiest (for REAL yummy not for fake yummy) gluten-free treats. And then after I’ve taken the State Fair by storm and won ALL of the HIGH Blue Ribbons, I’ll move on to publishing my collection of delectable gluten-free dessert recipes. But why stop there? I see a COOKING SHOW in the future.
2. With my new found cooking talents I have no doubt I’ll be an amazing hostess. Move over Martha Stewart! Wait til you see MY cooking/entertaining magazine!
3. And then with my celebrity status I’ll adopt a child and plaster myself over the tabloids. I may even sell my story about the bitter life of being discriminated against as an American in Australia. HAHA!
4. My story will sell wildly and I’ll be offered a book deal to write children’s literature. No Harry Potter’s for me – instead I’ll write about pretty flowers and butterflies.
5. Last but not least, I will have so many connections in so many places that I’ll return to my childhood goal and finally run for President. Hey – it’s entirely possible.

For now – I’ll settle with my newest “When I grow up” goal: Learning to decorate cakes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  At least I make myself laugh right?

The picture from Flickr by Cupcake Queen.
HWTM’s Blog is where I saw the lovely cupcakes presented.

Back to 2009 – yeah – yeah – I know – it’s pretty sweet.  And thanks to my baking endeavors today I can officially cross off number 1. (well sort of – I can cross of part ONE of number one – but I’m on my way!  )

TAKE THE QUIZ YOURSELF

Tuesdays are soooo long.  I’m out of the house by 8:00am and don’t get home until after 8:00pm.  What do I do all day?  School.  Gee whiz – super fantastic.  Anyway – at about hour 7 in my school day I got really really bored (I had a break between classes) and I thought – “A QUIZ will relieve my boredom. Hip hip horray!”  But then my conscience got the best of me so I did school research instead of taking mind-numbing quizzes.  HOWEVER – awhile back I took the quiz below and have decided to share my results.

I found the link to the quiz on Empossible in El Paso’s Blog.

This quiz is a trip!

I’m not kidding – it pretty much describes me to a T! So yeah – are you bored?  Will you be bored in the near future?  Do you have a weird obsession for quizzes?  Oh nevermind – just take the quiz anyway!  It’s FUN! 

PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GET IF YOU TAKE THE QUIZ  and for you shy ones – you can always leave an anonymous comment   My results are after the section break.

Daisy you are an…

Except as the freak I am it gave me an “archetype breaker” – I’m also apparently a Negotiator.

You have a great deal of energy and vitality. You are curious, creative and resilient. You have many interests; and you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things.  You find novel and unpredictable situations challenging and exciting.  And you are able to juggle a lot of projects at the same time; as a result you are sometimes a whirlwind of activity.

You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure– physical, intellectual or both. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible.

You are humorous. You are able to laugh at yourself. And you are agreeable, adaptable and changeable.  You enjoy the pleasures of the senses, yet you are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You can be charming and charismatic; and you sometimes like to surprise those you love with generous presents.

You also have a clear moral compass and stand up for your beliefs. And in spite of your flexibility and enjoyment of novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious, dependable, cooperative and protective.  You have a deep sense of compassion. You can show genuine insight into the needs of others; you are good at listening, talking and compromising; and you express a genuine desire to be helpful to others and to the world at large.

It’s done!!!  hip-hip-hooray!!  It SUCKED.  Yes it SUCKED.  Big time.  Super big time.  However – it’s done!!! and that means I have more time to do other stuff.  Here’s the link to the sucky glory of my essay (probably DON’T click HERE)  I haven’t proofread it.  honest to death – in fact – I haven’t even read it.  I wrote it – and then sent it WITHOUT reading it. Not a smart thing to do.  But I’m trying to live life on the edge. anyway … it was 1500 words and I resented EVERY SINGLE WORD which is why I haven’t read it over – but my mom said she’d read it – even though she doesn’t want to.

NOW BACK TO LIFE.

I have to tell you that I wrote this super great post for today – and then I sent it to my mom and she LOL-d.  And not because she’s my mom – but because it was funny.  BUT THEN SHE SAID TO NOT POST IT – say what?  Yeah – she thinks it would be best to wait because it’s a little TOO current.  So I’ll wait – ohIdon’tknow – a week.  Yeah – a week.  Maybe next week I can tell you about dumb boys.

In the meantime I should tell you a different story.

ONCE  UPON A TIME (oh this will take forever … remember the story of the ugly duckling?  Substitute a dandelion for the duckling and a daisy for the swan and you’ve got the jist of the story. )  Ok so I just spared you 90% of the story.  WAHOO!!  I’m being economical. 

The part you missed was when this ugly dandelion/tom boy/ NERD was like 10 years old she was diagnosed with asthma.  But it was a hassle and the inhaler WASN’T COOL so she couldn’t be fussed and then FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT!

Fast forward to Daisy time. I went to the Dr. because some days I can jog-it-up left and right and others I feel like I’m going to kill over after 1 minute!  Not cool.  So the Dr. was like, “Hmm – that’s strange.” So he took FOUR vials of blood and gave me a heart x-ray (this was last week) – everything came back normal except he said I need to eat more red meat – and THEN he said, “No one in your family has asthma do they?”

DARN DARN DARN DARN DARN

I smiled.  “Umm … well … I was diagnosed with it when I was like 10 but surely I don’t have it anymore right?“

[long pause.]

Let’s skip the part where he reacted to my news and I felt dumb.  We DEFINITELY can skip that part.

Well anyway … he made me do some dumb breathing test at the lab – which I failed – and now I have an inhaler.  LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME.

But the good news is that I go back in one month to see if my daily treatments help.  I’m hoping he’ll tell me it was all a misunderstanding. Hey – it could happen.  Sure the asthma thing explains a whole lot – but I’m not convinced.  AND if I fail the breathing test AGAIN in a month I can be like “See?  I DON’T have it – I just have poor breathing test technique.”  -IT COULD HAPPEN-